Je t’aimais: Part Seven

Hugs and Well Wishes

We were finally at the airport! I couldn’t wait to get on that plane and fly off to a semester in Rennes, France. A dream come true!

My mom, sister, fiancé, and future mom-in-law were all there to wish me safe travels and to steal a final hug before I made my way through airport security. Of course, my mom didn’t want to let me go; I had assured her over and over that I would be safe, make good decisions, and keep in touch. My sister pushed passed my fiancé to give me another hug as she whispered some joke in my ear about our mom. We laughed together with our little secret, like we had done a thousand and one times before. Then I turned to Judy to give her a hug. She and I were already very close; I considered myself lucky to have a future-in-law whom I was friends with.

Then it was my fiancés turn. The others gave us a little space; this was kind of unexpected because our parents usually watched up like hawks. I knew exactly what the Bennet girls must have felt like. It’s hard to let a relationship grow under the nose of chaperones… He hugged me, I was genuinely sad to be leaving him. We were used to distance, going to universities on opposite sides of the state, but not being about to text or call whenever I needed him would be hard.

I could tell he was upset, he was always trying to change my mind, but I needed to do this. I needed to get out of Ohio, even if just for one semester. We got in a few more kisses before the terminal began to fill with travelers. I gave my family and future family one last look before turning towards the security lines and departing for France.

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Where in Rennes

Where in Rennes

It’s raining. I can hear the click of heels on the cobblestones as people brush by me. All of us trying to get to where we’re going, heads down, umbrellas up. The road is small and the buildings, monuments to a rich history, are close together. I continue walking, sometimes with and sometimes against the crowd, until suddenly, the buildings open up. There I am, La Place Sainte-Anne. The medieval façades are made more beautiful by the spring shower; even in the rain, perhaps especially in the rain, Rennes in the most beautiful city.

There is no specific place in Rennes that I feel most connected to, it is the whole city that I am drawn to. I may have only lived there for half a year, but a piece of my heart with be there forever. 

 

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A True Saint

A True Saint

In 300 years, if people were to look back on my life and decide that I was to be named the patron saint of something, I think that something would be la douleur exquise. This is a French term that is most accurately translated as, “the pain of wanting someone you cannot have.”

Like many women, I find myself always wanting things that I cannot or should not have. I do love my life and those in it, but after traveling to France, there are things that I want to do, people that I want to be with… However, I’ve gotten really good at talking myself out of those things and into realizing what blessings I do have.